Friday, June 10, 2005
Well I have this love / hate relationship with my body. Seriously. I know most women do. But mine is out of control
There was a time when I was super thin and in the fashion industry. But I never felt thin enough or pretty enough. I have always felt FAT. And there were times when I knew I could get a guy…but it usually had more to do w/ sex than me feeling attractive. Then came Jesus. A lot of Christian Socials….which all involved food and eating out…and my body has never been the same. Sometimes I work hard at it…sometimes I don’t. The funny thing is that in the last two years I have probably had more “aha” moments than ever before…you know the ones where you catch yourself in the mirror and go you know actually I am pretty. It is hard for me b/c in my family to be pretty meant THIN and not just THIN…thin = no curves…and me…I have always had curves.
But anyway…why am I sharing any of this. On a blog of all places? 2 reasons…1) b/c in turning over a new leaf w/ my blog I felt like it was about really sharing what God is doing in my life...the journey He is taking me on. And a HUGE part of my journey the last year has been about my body. And 2) b/c Debbie did this post the other day on being woman and there was a photo. I kept looking at the photo…going who is that. And it was me. And I thought you know what…not a bad photo. It is me (a little heavier than I am now and w/ shorter hair) while we were traveling a few summers ago. But me and I look ok.
So ok now there is some real honest transparent stuff!
I often live in the land of "is what I see me or just a reasonable facsimile?" and have a very similar love/hate relationship with my external image which in no way mirrors my internal sense of having a strong self!!! ARGH and ALLELUIA all in one!
amen, sistah. be real. i commend you for your honesty on this blog. and you ARE beautiful. beauty is not defined by size.